Personal Development Archives - Page 2 of 2 - Mickey Roothman Coaching & Consulting

No matter how physically or spiritually, emotionally and consciously mature, awake and evolved we are, people still have the capacity to hurt us.

In fact, I would be more concerned about you if you told me you are never hurt by the things that others do and say. Why? Because healing and growing is not a destination, it is an ongoing journey. And the way we as humans heal is through relationship with other humans. Through relationship with others, the things that our soul longs to heal within ourselves (whether we are consciously aware of it or not) are triggered. But generally, we are so focused on what that person said or did, and on the details surrounding the particular event or experience, that we miss the trigger within ourselves and our chance to heal something within ourselves. Only to repeat the experience and those triggers longing to heal, again somewhere down the road in a different form. Most of us have heard the saying “Hurting people hurt other people”, right? Truth is, we are all “hurting” in some way or another, whether we admit it, acknowledge it, show it or are unaware of it. And the only way that we can heal is through experiences with other human beings and the triggers that those experiences present to us. Our soul’s purpose is to help us become the highest version of ourselves. To tap into our capacity to become and be everything that we were created to be. And to do that, a lot of our human limitations, limiting beliefs that we’ve been programmed with from a young age, and past experiences need to be healed and re-programmed. Most of the time the things we long to heal within ourselves at a soul level are things we are not even aware of consciously, until we start becoming intentionally more conscious about the triggers that we experience through our relationships with others. Triggers are like little messages from our soul. Little alarms that go off within us as a way for our soul to communicate with us that it wants to heal something in us, through this current experience. To start becoming consciously aware of our soul’s triggers, we need to become consciously aware of a few things when an experience comes along where we feel hurt by someone else. Here are 7 profound truths that I apply in my own life journey that will help you become more consciously aware of what’s really being triggered to heal within you, when you feel hurt by another person:

Our feelings about the experience, are never actually about that particular person or experience. It is always about something within ourselves that needs and wants to heal. Either a past experience we’ve had, a limiting belief or fear within ourselves.
People project onto others what they think or feel about themselves (consciously or unconsciously). This ties in with point number 1. People’s actions, reactions and words, are never about the other person. They are always about something within themselves that needs and wants to heal. For example, if someone accuses you of being fake, it is usually because somewhere within themselves, they at some level feel they are not being authentic in some area of their own lives.
Ask yourself: “What am I making this mean about myself?” What are you making what they said or did mean about you? For example if someone cheats on you, what are you making their action mean about you? Perhaps you are making it mean “I am not good enough”? Whatever your answer to the question of what you made it mean about yourself is, that is the exact thing that your soul is beckoning you to do the work around healing that thought or belief within you and about yourself..
The person’s actions are not the real problem. The real problem is how it made us feel. And how it made us feel is truly what the problem is. That is what you need to explore to find out which past experience or belief it is that really triggered that feeling in you….. that’s what is being triggered that your soul wants to heal within you.
Ask yourself: “What is it that I really want or need from this person?” For example if you are hurt because your husband is not spending enough quality time with you, you might answer “I want a deeper connection with my husband.” The truth is, whatever your answer is to that question, it is always what you actually really need from yourself. What is being triggered here, is that you are really longing for a deeper connection with and to your true self, not really from him, but from yourself. Remember what you read in point 1…. We project onto others what we actually really think, feel or need about and from ourselves.
If someone does something that you don’t like, ask yourself: “What is it that they did or do, that I don’t like?. For example, lets say you wrote down you don’t like so and so, because they always make everything all about their needs and don’t care about anyone else. Well, the answer you wrote down to that question …. Ding ding ding! Guess what, it’s also a trigger of something that you actually want to heal at a soul level within and about yourself. You either admire them for being able to be so straight forward about what they need and want, or perhaps you wish you could be more like them and make your own needs more of a priority than you are currently doing.
We are each responsible for our own “stuff”. When we allow the triggers we experience through relationship with other humans to heal us, which is what their purpose really is. We contribute to healing the same amount of that very thing in the world as well. This is why we are each responsible for working on, growing and healing ourselves, because in healing ourselves, we heal the world, one person at a time. And the best part is, when we heal, others heal through it too. So focus on your own “stuff” when what other people do triggers something in you. That’s every person’s mandate and responsibility. Their reasons for doing what they do, is their own “stuff” that they are responsible to heal too, not yours. All you can do to help them heal is to pray for them.

The only way we truly heal, is through changing our perspective and perceptions. And the only way we can do that, is if we turn our focus away from the other person that “did or said that thing to us”, or the details of the events that hurt us, and we turn the focus inward towards ourselves to see what it is that really wants and needs to heal at a soul level within ourselves. Turning inward is not so that we can blame, judge or hate ourselves, but so that we can heal. Be gentle, understanding, loving and gracious with yourself when you explore inward what your soul wants to heal within you. Always remember, you did the best that you could with what you knew at any given time. Once we know better, learn and heal, we can do better. So have love for and grace with yourself through your self exploration and healing process. Need more personal guidance and assistance on your journey of healing at a soul level and becoming the highest version of yourself? That is my life’s purpose and I would be honored to support and guide you through your journey. For more information about my one on one coaching programs and personalized support, simply send an email to my team at admin@mickeyroothman.com Much love and blessings, Mickey Roothman

“Authenticity” and “True Self” are the new “buzz words” on social media and in just about every personal development book. Everyone seems to be talking about being authentic! These are not new concepts however – people have simply awakening more to living consciously over the past few years. But what does being authentic really mean? Does this mean that to be living as my authentic & true self I should no longer wear make-up, sport only my natural hair color or start splashing my whole life for all to see on social media? The afore mentioned all focus on the external. Being authentic to me, is not an external thing at all. Authenticity is an internal reality that we start living externally without any effort once we turn inward and find out who we really and truly are, and in fact have always been since birth, but which we have disconnected from and hidden either consciously or sub-consciously due to our programming from birth around what and who the world expects us to be, or would be acceptable to other people and the world. Here are a few ways that you can see how you stack up regarding showing up in this world as your true, authentic self:

What is the one thing people don’t know about you? Ask yourself what are the real reasons why you are not sharing this with people. Whether it be that you are ashamed of it, you think people won’t understand it, or it will be perceived as corny perhaps. Those are the limiting beliefs you’ve been programmed with that need to heal and be re-programmed, for you to start showing up more authentically. Until YOU embrace them and love these things about yourself, you will never believe that the world can. And the reality is once you’ve embraced and loved these things about yourself, you actually won’t care anyore whether the world or anyone else accepts and loves them or not.
Are there times that you keep quiet or don’t do something because you believe it won’t be accepted or received well? For example, a friend of yours that you had an argument with and are currently not on speaking terms with, has their birthday. You decide not to call them or message them to wish them a happy birthday because “we are not on speaking terms”. But who you really are is someone who values the day that someone was born as a very special occasion. Ask yourself this. What are the real reasons you are not calling them to wish them happy birthday? Is it because of pride? Or perhaps because you believe they won’t want to hear from you? These are all thoughts and fears that stem from our ego, not from our true authentic selves. Ask yourself what you would do if these thoughts and fears were not present. What would the REAL you really want to do without fear, which would really be you being true to yourself? Doing that in spite of your thoughts and fears, is being authentic and being your true self. Whether it is received well or not, YOU did what the TRUE YOU would really desire to do and be in this situation.

One of my biggest personal struggles was due to my own programming and limiting beliefs that were formed from my childhood. I hid a true part of myself for many years. And being in a very corporate entrepreneurs world for many years of my life, only perpetuated this limiting belief and fear and kept me from being my true authentic self for many years. See, the one part of my authentic self that I hid for most of my life, was that I have a very small heart…. it’s kind of a bit of a “softy” or a “sissy” if the world had to brand it. From a very young age, I always knew that I had the ability to genuinely and deeply love and care about people very easily and very quickly. But my ego told me that this is a weakness, and a threat, because by being THAT “me” people would walk over me and I would get hurt. And guess what….. because I had that belief, I would continuously perpetuate that belief by attracting experiences where I WOULD GET HURT. At times even self sabotaging situations so that they would have this outcome. This is the ego’s way of confirming this limiting belief to us in order to keep us in the non authentic self state. I remember a specific incident on the bus with my friends when I was in high school. An oldish lady got on at one of the stops. My friends were making fun of how she was dressed and of her appearance, and I remember just feeling this tremendous pull from my heart towards her. It was a pure and genuine caring about and love for this lady that I knew was not my own but almost as if I could feel God’s love for this woman, although I did not even know her at all. I remember just thinking and forcing it away. I couldn’t tell anyone because even to me it was “weird”, so how would they then perceive or understand it if I shared it with them? How warped it is to believe that what truly is a gift to be able to love and care for people unconditionally, deeply and purely for who they are and who God sees them to be, is a weakness? And what world do we live in where loving people deeply and unconditionally is something to feel “ashamed” of or to “fear”? It took many years of personal growth and self discovery for me to re-program myself and to love this part of myself. Let alone to start showing it to other people. But the freedom that came with just being me, is priceless! It is not only liberating, it is healing both to me and to this world, because love is really the catalyst to what heals us all. And the truth is, not being who you really are, and trying to be what you think the world would find acceptable or expects you to be, is EXHAUSTING! So I bet you are wondering, how showing this authentic true self side of me has worked out for me? Truth is, no, not everyone finds this side of me acceptable or enduring all the time. In fact it scares some people when someone has the ability to love them truly, deeply and unconditionally without them having to earn it and in spite of themselves. But these are their own fears and limiting beliefs that they project outward that are being triggered and which needs to heal in them. It is actually something they desire to heal in them but until they explore it and turn inward, their ego just tells them that this kind of love and care is a threat somehow. What I have learned though, is that even in these instances where some people don’t like the kind of love I have to offer and give, it always still plants a seed in them that if they take the time to explore it, helps them to grow and heal on many levels as well. Their own dislike of the way I love, does not trigger any insecurities or questions in me about who I truly am and whether it’s okay for me to be my authentic self anymore. “That’s their stuff, not mine” is what I always remember, and all I offer besides my true self, is to lift them up in prayer for them to receive awakening and healing from their own limiting beliefs and fears. The most powerful thing I’ve learned, is that it is okay if not everyone likes or understands me, because I like and understand me. The kind of love I’ve been gifted with to give and feel for others is my strength, not my weakness. And the world needs it. Whether they know it and like it or not. I will never again hide it or go back to hardening my heart as the ego kept telling me was the “safe” route to take. I listen to my spirit that confirms that this is the most beautiful part of me and a gift that I am meant to share, not hide. It will always heal and never harm. Being authentic and your true self, is what this world truly needs. Therein lies the qualities is unique to only YOU, a missing piece of the puzzle that this world needs to awaken and to heal. It is not a selfish choice to be the real you. It is a self honoring choice to be who God truly made you to be, so that you can live out your purpose in this world. No matter who agrees with it and who doesn’t. If you enjoyed this blog, please share it on social media or give me some feedback in the comments section below. Much love and blessings, Mickey

Personal Development

[BLOG]: 7 PROFOUND TRUTHS TO HELP YOU HEAL WHEN YOU FEEL HURT BY OTHER PEOPLE

No matter how physically or spiritually, emotionally and consciously mature, awake and evolved we are, people still have the capacity to hurt us.

What does it really mean to be “Authentic”?