when people hurt you

No matter how physically or spiritually, emotionally and consciously mature, awake and evolved we are, people still have the capacity to hurt us.

In fact, I would be more concerned about you if you told me you are never hurt by the things that others do and say. Why? Because healing and growing is not a destination, it is an ongoing journey. And the way we as humans heal is through relationship with other humans. Through relationship with others, the things that our soul longs to heal within ourselves (whether we are consciously aware of it or not) are triggered. But generally, we are so focused on what that person said or did, and on the details surrounding the particular event or experience, that we miss the trigger within ourselves and our chance to heal something within ourselves. Only to repeat the experience and those triggers longing to heal, again somewhere down the road in a different form. Most of us have heard the saying “Hurting people hurt other people”, right? Truth is, we are all “hurting” in some way or another, whether we admit it, acknowledge it, show it or are unaware of it. And the only way that we can heal is through experiences with other human beings and the triggers that those experiences present to us. Our soul’s purpose is to help us become the highest version of ourselves. To tap into our capacity to become and be everything that we were created to be. And to do that, a lot of our human limitations, limiting beliefs that we’ve been programmed with from a young age, and past experiences need to be healed and re-programmed. Most of the time the things we long to heal within ourselves at a soul level are things we are not even aware of consciously, until we start becoming intentionally more conscious about the triggers that we experience through our relationships with others. Triggers are like little messages from our soul. Little alarms that go off within us as a way for our soul to communicate with us that it wants to heal something in us, through this current experience. To start becoming consciously aware of our soul’s triggers, we need to become consciously aware of a few things when an experience comes along where we feel hurt by someone else. Here are 7 profound truths that I apply in my own life journey that will help you become more consciously aware of what’s really being triggered to heal within you, when you feel hurt by another person:
  1. Our feelings about the experience, are never actually about that particular person or experience. It is always about something within ourselves that needs and wants to heal. Either a past experience we’ve had, a limiting belief or fear within ourselves.
  2. People project onto others what they think or feel about themselves (consciously or unconsciously). This ties in with point number 1. People’s actions, reactions and words, are never about the other person. They are always about something within themselves that needs and wants to heal. For example, if someone accuses you of being fake, it is usually because somewhere within themselves, they at some level feel they are not being authentic in some area of their own lives.
  3. Ask yourself: “What am I making this mean about myself?”  What are you making what they said or did mean about you?  For example if someone cheats on you, what are you making their action mean about you? Perhaps you are making it mean “I am not good enough”? Whatever your answer to the question of what you made it mean about yourself is, that is the exact thing that your soul is beckoning you to do the work around healing that thought or belief within you and about yourself..
  4. The person’s actions are not the real problem. The real problem is how it made us feel. And how it made us feel is truly what the problem is. That is what you need to explore to find out which past experience or belief it is that really triggered that feeling in you….. that’s what is being triggered that your soul wants to heal within you.
  5. Ask yourself: “What is it that I really want or need from this person?” For example if you are hurt because your husband is not spending enough quality time with you, you might answer “I want a deeper connection with my husband.” The truth is, whatever your answer is to that question, it is always what you actually really need from yourself. What is being triggered here, is that you are really longing for a deeper connection with and to your true self, not really from him, but from yourself.  Remember what you read in point 1…. We project onto others what we actually really think, feel or need about and from ourselves.
  6. If someone does something that you don’t like, ask yourself: “What is it that they did or do, that I don’t like?. For example, lets say you wrote down you don’t like so and so, because they always make everything all about their needs and don’t care about anyone else. Well, the answer you wrote down to that question …. Ding ding ding! Guess what, it’s also a trigger of something that you actually want to heal at a soul level within and about yourself. You either admire them for being able to be so straight forward about what they need and want, or perhaps you wish you could be more like them and make your own needs more of a priority than you are currently doing.
  7. We are each responsible for our own “stuff”. When we allow the triggers we experience through relationship with other humans to heal us, which is what their purpose really is. We contribute to healing the same amount of that very thing in the world as well. This is why we are each responsible for working on, growing and healing ourselves, because in healing ourselves, we heal the world, one person at a time. And the best part is, when we heal, others heal through it too. So focus on your own “stuff” when what other people do triggers something in you. That’s every person’s mandate and responsibility. Their reasons for doing what they do, is their own “stuff” that they are responsible to heal too, not yours. All you can do to help them heal is to pray for them.
The only way we truly heal, is through changing our perspective and perceptions. And the only way we can do that, is if we turn our focus away from the other person that “did or said that thing to us”, or the details of the events that hurt us, and we turn the focus inward towards ourselves to see what it is that really wants and needs to heal at a soul level within ourselves. Turning inward is not so that we can blame, judge or hate ourselves, but so that we can heal.  Be gentle, understanding, loving and gracious with yourself when you explore inward what your soul wants to heal within you. Always remember, you did the best that you could with what you knew at any given time. Once we know better, learn and heal, we can do better. So have love for and grace with yourself through your self exploration and healing process. Need more personal guidance and assistance on your journey of healing at a soul level and becoming the highest version of yourself? That is my life’s purpose and I would be honored to support and guide you through your journey.  For more information about my one on one coaching programs and personalized support, simply send an email to my team at admin@mickeyroothman.com Much love and blessings, Mickey Roothman