Happiness seems so hard to come by and even harder to hold onto, right?
The other day I was talking to one of my clients about why we struggle to hold onto the
“new & improved me” and to remain positive and hold onto our happiness once we’ve chosen a better life.
It got me thinking about my own journey of see-sawing up and down from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in literally seconds at times.
Now before I had gone on my self awareness and spiritual awakening journey to understand why we are who we are and do what we do, this was a common occurrence, but it didn’t make sense why it was
STILL happening now that I knew better and had made the conscious choice to be happier and implemented the daily practices to back it (like meditation, daily reflection, questioning my thoughts, etc.)
Even the apostle Paul wondered why he still did the things he didn’t want to do even after he chose to turn his life around.
”I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it”. – Romans 7:5-20
Have you ever notices that you can be on such a huge high, so positive and ready to be a nice human after watching an inspirational Youtube video or reading a powerful motivational quote, until …. something shitty happens in your day or your life that in one foul swoop just seems to knock you back down to a low vibe, negativity or lashing out at someone.
See here’s the thing … We are “pre-programmed” as humans to resist happiness & feeling good. Yes, you heard me right.
Our unconscious default setting is that we have to struggle, difficulty, and to feel guilty about being TOO successful, TOO happy, TOO wealthy.
And when we
finally have those things, we begin to feel guilty for having them. We go into fear about losing them and begin to wait for the
other shoe to drop and for it to be ripped away from us at any second.
But why? Because we’ve been sub-consciously programmed from a young age that good things don’t come easy and that they don’t last.
Before we dive into how to KEEP our happiness, lets look out how to find it first.
The route to finding real happiness can be described in one word:
SELF-AWARENESS.
See until we become aware of our own emotions, habits, beliefs, thoughts, actions, reactions and so on, we cannot really be happy. These are the very things that caused us not to be happy in the first place and until we become aware of them, we cannot begin to change them to change the outcome.
Looking outside of ourselves for happiness just makes us fearful on an unconscious level anyway because we sub-consciously know that other people and external factors are the things we don’t have any control over.
And as humans we fear what we can’t control (like other people for example). The reality is that the only thing we do have control over is OURSELVES.
This is why finding happiness can only start by taking your focus off of what’s going on outside of you and becoming self-aware of whats going on within YOU!
So, once you’ve found real happiness, how do you hold onto it?
It took me several years of doing everything I knew to do to hold onto the new, positive and conscious living me to figure out what REALLY brings about
lasting, tangible results when transforming our lives.
Through my own personal life transformation journey from being broke, victimized, undervalued, sad, angry, stressed, anxious, lost, alone and directionless to consistently being happy, free, certain, clear, supported, successful, healthy, joyful and valued and over 10 000 hours of 1:1 coaching with my clients to identify exactly
WHAT brings lasting change and transformation.
What I identified was that we need to address the areas of our life that we want to transform on each of these 5 key levels:
1) Emotional
2) Behavioral
3) Mindset
4) Spiritual
5) Practical/Physical
Let me unpack this for you a little further to help you to identify why your initial results and the “new & improved you” didn’t last.
Often times traditional therapists work mostly only on the emotional level, right?
Truth is that working on an
emotional level and resolving underlying conscious or unconscious emotional traumas will help you to feel better, but if the particular situation isn’t addressed at the other 4 levels as well, the feeling better won’t last.
For example, the experience may have caused you to form limiting beliefs about yourself, others, life, love, money, success or whatever, and those beliefs are still present
(mindset). Which means you’ll continue creating, attracting & experiencing similar experiences because of them.
There may be certain
behaviors and patterns you formed because of the experience that need to be addressed too. For example you perhaps became a people-pleaser or an introvert because of the experience which means you are still behaving that way which isn’t the real you. This in turn causes unconscious thoughts and emotions of resentment, dissatisfaction and unhappiness because these are “learned” behaviors you developed and not the true you, which is inherently what we are wired to desire to achieve as human beings.
Perhaps the situation or emotional traumas caused certain beliefs that you don’t have what it takes, you’re not as good as others or that you don’ t deserve to or have the things you deem necessary to have a great life like everyone else. This is why we need to work on the
spiritual level as well to re-frame those thoughts and beliefs and for you to re-connect with a Higher Power of your own understanding to remember who you really are and where your support and supply of everything you need comes from.
And just in case you’ve forgotten or you’re wondering who you are …
You are not a limited human being trying to have some kind of spiritual experience here on earth and find your way or try to make it happen all on your own. You are a powerful spiritual being having a human experience here on earth and you are connected to, guided and supported by the entire universe and the One who made it, while on your mission here on earth.
Lastly, we have to look at the practical and physical level as well. If you don’t have actionable daily practices in place to continue growing and working on each of the other 4 levels daily, or you’re living in an environment that is toxic and not good for you, your transformation and the
“new improved you” can’t last either. This is why its
imperative to also look at your
physical and practical circumstances, routines and daily practices.
Were you able to identify why the new & improved you and your new found happiness didn’t stand a chance of lasting?
In my coaching practice and my programs, whether I’m working with the CEO of a company or a single mother,
I tackle all 5 of these levels. Because my mission is to give my clients the tools, methods and guidance to receive
tangible, real and lasting transformations and results.
My signature life transformation program is also designed to help you tackle each of these levels with whatever area of your life you’re ready to
transform FOR GOOD!
This program is a self-paced digital 12 week journey that my clients can complete from the comfort of their own home and in their own time. It has proven to be one of the
most popular programs for people who are seeking answers and a step-by-step process to
really transform their lives to live their
BEST LIFE POSSIBLE.
I’m currently practically giving away this program at a crazy 85% off until 18 November 2019, so
if YOU are ready to LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE POSSIBLE and for it to LAST, you can check out
The Ultimate Life Transformation Program over here -> https://bit.ly/2JMbJA4
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This whole Covid-19 lockdown thing and so many people being in fear got me thinking…
So we’ve all been locked up inside our homes for quite some time now, partially because we were told to, but some choose to stay there by choice and out of fear.
We’ve been told that there is a life threatening danger outside the walls of our homes and we’ve had our eyes fixed on the media who continuously provides us with more and more evidence that supports our belief that locking ourselves within the confines of our homes is the way for us to take control over and avoid the perceived threat and danger that is outside of it.
Although the fact that we are locked down in our homes is very real to us at present, we’ve actually really locked ourselves up in our own hearts too.
We’ve all experienced being hurt, disappointed, rejected and mistreated by others or experiences. We’ve all seen some things in the world out there that were not so good to see or experience. We’ve all read and heard the stories of how “evil & dangerous” the world outside is. And that has caused many of us to lock our hearts away behind big walls to keep anything out that would cause us any discomfort or pain.
We’re told by society that the way to keep ourselves emotionally and mentally safe is to put walls around our hearts and lock ourselves in there to take control of never being hurt, rejected or disappointed. And life has given us more than enough evidence to support that. So we keep our hearts locked up in order to protect ourselves and feel like we are in control of keeping any danger out and at bay.
But just like remaining locked up in our homes out of fear cannot indefinitely be sustained and will eventually lead to us running out of much needed resources for survival, our hearts being locked up behind walls will eventually also be depleted of much needed resources for its survival, causing our hearts to grow hard, selfish and cold.
And once we’ve locked our hearts behind those walls, we never go beyond the walls because that feels “unsafe” so we keeps our dreams, hopes, desires and love locked up inside, slowly depriving it of what it desperately needs to thrive.
If you want to know how restrictive your walls around your heart really are, imagine yourself for a second walking straight in the direction of what you fear to allow in (or project out from it).
Does that feel uncomfortable? Notice for a moment what your chest area is doing. You can literally feel your heart closing up, shrinking and it doesn’t feel good at all right? That’s because you’ve taught your heart to close which goes against its natural state of being.
If life has taught you that when you love someone you’ll get hurt, chances are that if you try to move beyond the wall you built around your heart because of it, you’ll intuitively want to pull back to avoid smashing into it. And that’s what keeps you bound up and locked inside your heart’s perimeters. You become a prisoner to your fears.
And if you’re really honest with yourself, what you really desire is to break free and to let it out right? What you really want is to love and be loved without any fear or restriction. But you deprive yourself of it and lock all of that love and all of that desire up in there out of fear of what your mind fabricates and tells you will happen if you do.
