For the better part of my life I didn’t really believe that I was reaping what I sowed.
I believed it was true for everyone but me.
I believed God loved everyone but me.
I believed that His promises were true for everyone else, just not for me.
“I guess my purpose is to help others to live a great life and never experience it myself” is a thought that crossed my mind often.
My entire experience for the first 3 decades of my life looked a little something like this:
- I always did and gave more than what was expected of me for others – but no one ever delivered on their promises to me.
- I was always there for everyone – but when I needed someone those same people would avoid me and I’d have no one who was there for me.
- I consciously treated others kindly, lovingly and respectfully – but I was always treated disrespectfully, worthlessly and unkind.
- I did things honestly and with integrity – but I was always being done in, treated unfairly and lied to.
- I was a loyal friend – but I was discarded and backstabbed the moment I wasn’t of use to someone anymore.
- I was giving – but I was financially in distress most of the time.
- I helped people without them even asking for it – but even if I did ask for help no one ever gave it to me.
- I would drop everything to be there for others when they were going through something – but everyone else was always too wrapped up in their own lives to ever be there for me when I needed it most.
- In everything I did I tried to be a good human – but humans were never good to me in return.
There are thousands more examples of this that I can offer right now, but I’m sure you get the gist as to exactly why I didn’t believe that God’s promise of reaping what you sow applied to me.
I had more than enough evidence of the opposite of that playing out in my life and although I never stopped believing that we reap what we sow, I just began to believe that for some reason it wasn’t true for me too, which of course lead to me feeling like I was just God’s servant and servants although they do the hard work are never the ones that get to enjoy the fruits of it, right?
I was sitting in a church one evening, a place that we perceived as being filled with believers that should be reaping and experiencing amazing lives due to their choice to live (sow) the way that God “expects us to”.
The pastor began to run down the usual list of “issues” that we as people might have like finances, relationships and health and he then proceeded to ask the congregation to put up their hands if they were having a hard time and needed prayer for any of these.
Everyone’s eyes closed at this point of course so no one would “judge” anyone by seeing who has what problem.
But in that moment I heard a voice inside me say: “Open your eyes and look up.”
What my eyes saw was shocking to me. Out of a congregation of about 500 people, people who were believers, almost 98% of their hands were up.
Tears started streaming down my face uncontrollably (they weren’t mine and today I believe that is the closest I ever came to experiencing the grieving of the Holy Spirit) and I just shook my head, closed my eyes and silently said to God: “Your bride is broken. But I don’t think it is You that is a liar or not keeping your promises. So what is it that we are missing? Please show me.”
That prayer turned out to be the biggest catalyst to my spiritual awakening, growth and enlightenment journey that started about 5 years ago.
God took me on a miraculous journey where He began showing me how He made the human body, how everything in this universe works and supports all of us all of the time. How we’ve disconnected from who we really are which is not human beings having a spiritual experience but powerful spiritual beings having a human experience.
He showed me how some of the beliefs that were handed to us and passed down from generation to generation was holding us back from really knowing Him and really having the amazing lives that He intended for us all to have while we are here on earth.
One of the things He shared with me on my journey was that His principle of reaping what you sow was never about the deeds or about what we do.
You see, everything in this universe is energy, including us. He made it that way. Even our thoughts (whether conscious or unconscious), our emotions and our intentions are energy.
Science has already proven that energy attracts to itself the same kind of energy and when enough of that same energy comes together it becomes matter (physical form).
So whatever good deed we are doing, if the energy behind it (the thought, the belief, the intention, the emotion) behind it isn’t positive, we can’t and won’t attract good and positive energy back to us.
Looking back at my experiences before I was awakened to this truth, I now see exactly why no matter what I did, no matter how good it was, the energy behind it was thoughts, feelings and emotions of not being worthy, not being deserving, some resentment and doing what I though was the right and acceptable thing to do instead of what I really wanted to do or felt called to do in a given moment.
Today I know that no matter what good deeds I did, the law of energy was attracting back to me the energy of unworthiness, undeservingness and not good enoughness that I was vibrating at and energetically thinking, believing and experiencing internally beneath it all (most of the time very unaware of it and subconsciously).
And if I’m totally honest with myself, my intention behind the good deeds I did probably wasn’t always backed with faith, love and goodness but perhaps some kind of hope that if I kept doing good, I would eventually get the same back or that I would please God enough that good things would begin to flow my way too.
I had to get out of the “system” of all of the beliefs that were handed to me from a young age, to become consciously aware of them in order for me to really begin a true relationship with God where He could show me Himself exactly who He really is and how things really work. I needed take an honest inventory of and question the beliefs that were handed to me for Him to be able to expand my mind to see His truth.
Sadly most religions teach us that if we just continue to do the right things God (or whatever Higher Power resonates with you) will be pleased with us and we’ll receive good things back. But the reason why that is busy crumbling is people are not experiencing that and its because it was never about the doing. It was always all about the energy.
So many believers keep doing right but never experiencing the reaping of it and subconsciously they’re beginning to resent that, feel unworthy and undeserving of good things and even question God. And because that energy is what is underlying behind their good deeds, they never experience good things coming back to them and remain in that cycle.
I’m not saying our deeds don’t matter, they absolutely do. I’m just saying that our deeds mean nothing if we don’t pay attention and become consciously aware of the energy (thoughts, beliefs, feelings and intentions) underlying and behind them.
For example, if you are doing good because your belief is that then good things will come back to you, the energy behind it is actually manipulation if you think about it. You’re doing it with a desired result in return in mind instead of doing it from a place of pure love and because you felt lead to do it from a space of love and connection to the Sprit within you.
If you haven’t been experiencing that you truly reap the good that you sow…
I want to challenge you to take an honest inventory of what the real energy has been behind your deeds up to now. Ask yourself what were the real thoughts, beliefs, feelings and intentions (energy) that they were backed with.
I urge you to allow yourself to begin to open your mind and to see that it is not about the deed itself but about the energy it is backed by and I guarantee you will experience the energy you put out returning back to you tenfold every single time.
This truth and realization changed my life and my entire experience, and my hope is that it will do the same for you too.
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